No Batteries Needed
by GamerKuro
Summary: To all the fellas out there with scientists to impress, It's easy to do just follow these steps. Cecilos


Thanks to GondorCalling for betaing

Sidenote: In this fic Steve is not Cecil's brother in law

Cecil was once again at Abbie's house attending what had now become their weekly game nights. Abbie was one of the scientists that worked for Carlos. Cecil wasn't ashamed of admitting that he only ended up being friends with her in hopes of getting information about the dashing scientist. However, as he got to know her he actually realize she was quite a delight to be around unfortunately she had horrible taste in men.

Cecil glared at the red-haired man who sat across the table from him. He grew slightly frustrated that his glare went unnoticed as the man was focused on shuffling a pile of cards.

Steve...the jerk...had recently become Abbie's boyfriend. Even against Cecil's complaints, better boyfriends suggestions, and the extremely detailed PowerPoint Cecil had shown to her listing the many, many, flaws that the man had, Abbie still saw something in the evil red-haired freckle faced freak.

And because Steve was Abbie's boyfriend he was now attending, or rather intruding as Cecil would more likely call it, on his and Abbie's game nights.

Steve began to pass out the cards. Tonight they were playing Gods of the Unholy. It played a lot like Apples to Apples except not at all. It involved a lot of dice, cards, satanic chants, blood runes, and the Book of Shadows. No one could actually win the game and at the end of it everyone who played would feel a sudden emptiness inside them, both physically and emotionally.

So all in all it was fun game, one of Cecil's favorites.

For the most part of the game Steve had the good sense to be quiet, allowing Cecil and Abbie to talk amongst themselves. Abbie would speak about all the cool and abnormal things they've been discovering down at the lab and Cecil would talk about what he was planning on announcing on air next week.

Everything was going fine until Steve decided to open his obnoxious mouth.

"Hey, Cecil, Carlos's birthday is in a few days. Have you've decided on what you're going to give him?" Steve said while throwing down a card.

Argh! Cecil swore if it weren't for Abbie or the many cameras he knew were secretly watching them he would have strangled the man. Steve might be able to fool Abbie, making it seem that he was just asking a 'simple' question but Cecil knew what he was doing.

Cecil was more than aware that the scientist's birthday was coming up and had been freaking out about for weeks now. He wanted to buy Carlos the perfect gift but couldn't decide on what type of gift that would be. He had already brought over 20 'ideal' presents but none of them seem right. The whole thing was stressing him out and Cecil was sure by the end of this month his hair would be white...well...whiter than what it already was.

And here was Steve purposely asking him about Carlos's birthday, trying to strain his nerves even more.

"Well...Steve…" Cecil said while trying to hide the anger in his voice as to not to offend Abbie. "A man like Carlos needs a gift out of the ordinary, so I'm taking my time to choose one that fits him perfectly."

"Perfectly?" Steve asked, "He's a nerd just give him some sarcastic t-shirt and he'll be fine."

"A-A T-SHIRT!?" Cecil spluttered, "Carlos's love can't be ignited by some pretentious piece of nerd wear"

"Love?" Abbie asked.

Cecil quickly shut his mouth and his cheeks began to flush as he realized he had said too much.

"Oh, Cecil don't tell me you think buying Carlos the right gift will somehow make him fall in love with you?" asked Steve. If it weren't for the fact that he was a jerk, Cecil would say that Steve almost sounded concerned for him.

"Why don't you just ask him out already." a mischievous smirked suddenly appeared on Steve's face. "As a scientist, I'm sure there is one part of your body that he would find...interesting."

Cecil face grew even redder as he was now aware that Steve was remembering the incident where he had caught Cecil playing with himself in the boy's bathroom back in pre-k. Quite literally in fact. Cecil was raised quite poor. His family could never really afford to buy him any toys, so he had to count on his imagination. During one recess, he had decided he was in the mood to play Ken and Barbie, using himself as Ken and his dick as…

Cecil suddenly shook his head in hope of getting rid of the awful memory.

"Steve, can you refrain from mentioning such things in front of your lovely girlfriend." Cecil said angrily.

Abbie laughed.

"Guys, I'm a scientist. I've seen my fair share of nude bodies. Nothing you could say would be out of the ordinarfor me."

There was a shared silence between Cecil and Steve.

"Yeah...normal…" Cecil finally said. "Anyways, about Carlos. It might be silly but I can't help but feel like if I get him some amazing gift he'll take more of an interest in me. Maybe not romantically but at least on friendlier terms and then I can work my way up from there."

"You know…" Steve said before throwing a blood rune on the table "...you've been pretty obvious about your feelings towards Carlos and he hasn't really said anything back. Have you've considered that maybe you're barking up the wrong tree."

Cecil eyes widen in horror. Was Carlos even queer? He never even stopped to considered.

"Abbie?" Cecil said as he looked to the woman with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be of any help with that question." she said. "I nor have any of the other scientist I work with have ever seen him go out on a date or even talk about anyone he was interested in. To be honest Cecil, I don't see what you see in him other than looks. He's really hard to read and always seems to be focused on his work."

"No, but don't you see." said Cecil "He's only focused on his work because he really love science. He loves figuring out the why and the how and the when of things. If you really break all down, what is a love of science if not just a love of life?"

"Have you ever asked something simple?" Cecil sighed as he began to feel himself getting starry eyed as he thought about Carlos. "I once asked him why clouds exist and the passion that lit in his eyes as he began to explain it to me was so amazing. I wish he would look at me like that...just once."

A devious smirk once again appeared on Steve's face.

"I think there's one gift you could give to the scientist that is both something he desperately needs and would definitely help you find out if he's queer or not."

Now normally Cecil didn't take Steve's advice, considering that Steve's was always wrong, always...about everything. However, considering this was Carlos they were talking about…

"What do you have in mind?" the radio host asked.

Steve placed his cards on the table and gave Cecil a mischievous look.

"Well, like my girlfriend said Carlos hasn't been on a date in a while, so I imagine him to have quite the starved libido."

Cecil didn't like where this was going.

It not like Carlos wasn't enjoying the party, he was. It was at his house so he didn't feel out of place, the food and music that were playing were both good, and the people attending his party was all people that he worked with, so he didn't have to worry about any awkward conversations.

No, the reason why Carlos kept looking back at the front door every five minutes was because he was anxiously waiting for Cecil to appear. He had thought the radio host would have been the first one to arrive but maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part.

Carlos liked Cecil...a lot and thought about him often. Usually at night, usually with his hands down his pants.

Cecil was beautiful. Yes, his short spiky white hair and purple eyes may have been considered abnormalities in some doctor's text book, but Carlos didn't care especially when these features seems to contrast so wonderfully with the man's rich dark skin.

But looks weren't everything to Carlos. No, he liked Cecil's interest in learning. The man always seemed to have to some scientific question to ask Carlos almost every day. The radio host was also charming, quite funny, and nice...in fact maybe too nice. Which was one of the reasons why Carlos was so afraid to ask him out.

About a few weeks after living in Night Vale and after hearing Cecil constantly referring to him as gorgeous on air, Carlos was ready to ask the radio host out for dinner. But then he remembered, he was living in Night Vale and what was considered normal here was considered absolutely mind fucking everywhere else.

All the compliments Cecil had given him from his jaw to his hair probably meant nothing. What if he was confusing Cecil's kind words with just regular night valian hospitality? Carlos had to know for sure. He needed to get to know the man a bit more before he made a move and this party would be a great opportunity for such a thing. Now the only question was...where was Cecil?

Cecil had been standing in front of Carlos's house for what must have been at least half an hour. Despite wanting to be the first person at the scientist's party, Cecil couldn't quite bring himself to knock on the door.

Cecil nervously looked down at the gift he was carrying in his hand, a thick, long cardboard box wrapped in white wrapping paper.

This idea was stupid. He hated Steve more than usual for even suggesting it. He could just imagine the look on Carlos face once he opened up the gift. He would be horrified, angry, disgusted but...what if there was a small chance he would be piqued by the gift. What if he actually used it?

Cecil felt his entire body heat up from the mere thought.

"In your dreams." the radio host groaned.

He shouldn't do this. He couldn't do this. He had to get rid of this gift. No one had noticed him yet. He could still go back home and switch the gift with one of the others he still had at home.

Cecil jumped as he suddenly saw a hand ringing on the door bell beside him. He turned around and frowned at the person behind him.

"Steve! What are you doing here? It's invited guest only." Cecil said stressing the only part.

"Well, obviously I'm a guest. I am the boyfriend of one of the scientists who works for him." said Steve, "Besides, I had to show up to keep you from chickening out."

Cecil was about to object to Steve's remarks, despite how true they may have been, but then the door opened.

Cecil turned around to see what could only be describe as a heavenly creature, that of course didn't exist, standing in the entrance before him.

Carlos was in front of Cecil in all his caramel voice, perfect hair, and square jaw glory. However, something was strangely different about the scientist this time; he wasn't wearing a lab coat. Instead his attire was a black fitted sweater with a pair of dark blue jean and even though the outfit was nothing special it still looked amazing on him.

"Cecil, you finally made it!" Carlos said with a smile on his face.

Oh, that smile. Cecil swore it could light up the night.

Carlos heard something that sounded like a fake cough and turned his attention to the man behind Cecil.

"Oh, Steve you're here too." Carlos suddenly began to blush. "I'm sorry I didn't quite notice. Well come in you two, the party only just started."

Just then Carlos noticed the present in Cecil hand.

"And I'm assuming this is for me?" Carlos said while taking the gift away from the radio host.

Cecil wanted to scream he had forgotten all about the gift.

"What is it?" Carlos asked as he began to shake the gift close to his ear.

Cecil let out a slight choking sound but luckily it went unnoticed by Carlos.

"Best you find out when it's time to open presents." Steve chuckled.

Throughout the party Carlos attempted to start up a conversation with Cecil a few times but each time the man seemed not really in the mood for talking. He appeared nervous for some reason. Not only that, but Carlos would catch him glancing at the present table a couple of times while he was speaking.

He never seen Cecil act so oddly before.

Cecil wished that he could just calm down. Carlos had already tried talking him to three times tonight but his mind was too focus on that stupid present that he could only respond to the man with short responses causing Carlos to leave quickly after each attempt.

Cecil was starting to get frustrated. He felt like he was scaring Carlos away from him and that was the last thing he wanted. He hated Steve. This whole thing was causing him more stressed than these entire weeks combined.

"Okay, everyone it's time to open presents." One of the scientists announced.

Cecil's muffled shrieked went unnoticed as the party goers went to the table stacked with gifts.

Carlos scanned over his presents. They varied in sizes with some being wrapped presents and other being bagged. What he found interest were the names written on the gifts. Writing utensils were of course banned so people had to figure out interesting ways to let Carlos know which gift was from whom. He noted some people use glue and glitter to write their names, while other seem to take the more messing route and use things like toothpaste, ketchup, and etc.

Carlos soon began to open his presents and with each gift unwrapped Cecil began to grow more and more anxious. One present were breakers, another was a book about parallel universes, an aerogel lab coat, an ecosphere, a violet laser pointer and so on.

Each present blew Cecil's out of the water. The radio host wanted to scream. Why didn't he think to buy any of these for Carlos? They were all such great gifts...but then came Steve's.

Carlos lifted up the red t-shirt that had been carefully folding inside a flat, thin box. On the front of the shirt was text that read "Scientist do it periodically". The scientists around the table laughed, while all Cecil could do was roll his eyes at the obvious cheap gift.

The final present to open was Cecil's which Carlos had left for last on purpose. Cecil felt his heart stop as he watched the man grab the white box.

"Ooooh, that belongs to Cecil. I think you're really going to enjoy his gift." Steve laughed with Abbie joining in beside him.

Cecil's hands balled into a fist. Dear Glow cloud how he wish the council hadn't made murder illegal.

Now, Carlos was obviously a smart man, so when he looked at the snickering couple and thought back to Cecil odd behavior that night, it wasn't hard to put two and two together.

Abbie and Steve must have convinced Cecil to buy some type of joke gift for him. It would explain why Cecil seem so nervous and distracted.

Carlos frowned he didn't like the ideal of people messing with Cecil like that, even if it was for a joke directed at him. He would have a talk with Abbie about this after the party.

Carlos was about to unwrapped the gift to see what all the fuss was about, but before he could even rip a single piece of the wrapping apart Cecil let out a huge wail.

"NO!"

Everyone in the room turned to Cecil. The attention should have made him feel rather nervous but the radio host didn't care. Their stares would become a lot worst if he didn't stop Carlos from opening that present.

"I-I don't think you should open this in front of everyone." Cecil stuttered. "It's kind of embarrassing."

"Don't worry, Cecil. I already assumed that it was some sort of gag gift. I can take a joke." Carlos said ripping apart one side of the gift.

"N-" Cecil began to speak but was quick interrupted by Steve.

"I think Cecil is right. Trust me you don't want anyway here when you unwrapped that."

Abbie pouted, obviously upset about missing out on Carlos's reaction to Cecil's gift.

Steve's comment made Carlos want to open the gift even more but then he looked at Cecil's face and saw the skittish look in his eyes.

"Fine. I'll wait until everyone leaves." Carlos agreed.

Cecil let out of a breath that he hadn't even realize he had been holding in. In that moment Cecil swore that maybe Steve was only a bit of a jerk.

A few hours passed and the party finally ended. Carlos locked the door after letting out the last guest. He turned back around and gave an exhausted sigh as he noticed all the mess he had to clean up. His eyes then rested on Cecil's gift.

The radio host had seemed so worried about it at the beginning at the party. It was only when Carlos's had agreed not to open it in front of the others that Cecil started to become more relax. He even felt comfortable enough to talk to Carlos later on that night.

Carlos didn't even bother to resist immediately attacking the present. He rushed over to the gift and quickly unwrapped it until all he was left with was a thick, long cardboard box.

Carlos slowly lifted up the top of the box, this was night vale after all. One couldn't be too hasting when it came to opening things.

When the cover finally came off, Carlos saw...well he had to admit it was a bit of a shock. Lying in the box cushioned by a red pillow was...a...

Sorry due to rules I'm unable to upload the full version, but if you still wish to read it here is the entire fic at AO3 /works/2043543 (also under the same title)


End file.
